Tonight, in our small group, I pulled in an excerpt from John Mark Comer’s book “Practicing the Way.” In the book’s final chapters, Comer writes about a “rule of life” or practices that we consciously or subconsciously implement in our lives.

He writes, “Let me introduce to you to a framework from the ancient church, one I deeply believe is vital for the future church: a Rule of Life. The earliest apprentices of Jesus were asking the same question we are: How do we go about following Jesus in such a way that we are transformed? The answer they came up with, in my estimation, is still the best—a Rule. “Rule of Life” is ancient language, so it sounds odd or even off-putting to our modern ears. But to my antinomian friends, please note: It’s rule of life (singular), not rules for life (plural).”

Our “rule” or “way” of life produces healthy or unhealthy relationships, finances, education, and other facets of our lives. Often, we create our “rule” or standard as unspoken belief systems by which our thoughts and behaviors are guided. The reality of who we are, whether intentional or not, results from the rule by which we live.

Comer goes on to say, “The word picture of a trellis was used very early on by teachers of the Way, who took Jesus’ metaphor of the vine to its logical conclusion. Think of a vineyard. For a vine to “bear much fruit,” what does it need? A trellis—a support structure to lift it off the ground and index it toward the light, giving it room to breathe and guide its growth in the desired direction. Without a trellis’s support, the vine would bear a fraction of the fruit it’s capable of, and the little it did bear would be highly vulnerable to disease, damage, and dangerous predators… In the same way, for an apprentice of Jesus to abide in the vine and bear much fruit, we also need a trellis—a support structure to make space for life with God. So, what exactly is a Rule of Life? A Rule of Life is a schedule and set of practices and relational rhythms that create space for us to be with Jesus, become like him, and do as he did, as we live in alignment with our deepest desires.”

In the context of healthy, godly relationships, a few sound principles have helped me cultivate great friendships. I’m in no way an expert, but these “rules” have aided me greatly.

1. Don’t listen to someone’s criticism of other people. If you have some negative news to share about someone? Please don’t share it with me.
2. Choose to believe the best about others and produce your own opinions. Refuse to take up someone else’s offense.
3. Make time to listen to the people you care about.
4. Have fun with people. It’s the best way to strengthen a relationship. This is a big one for me because I tend to be a little too serious.
5. When people you love hurt you, pull them closer. Don’t push them away.

Each of these guidelines, of course, must be practiced well to be effective and meaningful. I have found them to be great truths that can strengthen your soul and help develop meaningful relationships.